Half Empty and Leaking
by te3n 0n a 5ugr h1gh
Summary: For four months, Isabella Swan went through the motions of life, broken and cold. Her love was gone. She was alone. And she was dying. A life like that just isn't worth living. So she decided to let it end. Dark themes.
1. The End

**Okay, here it is, a shiny new fic just for you! I know, I know, I ought to be ashamed of myself for starting a new story when I should be working on chapter five of ****Homeless**** but I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I really hope you guys enjoy it. I've already got the first few chapters worked out so hopefully you won't have to wait very long for updates.**

**This story begins in New Moon, but I think you'll find that it soon very sharply deviates from Stephenie's plot. I must warn you though that there are some dark themes in here so prepare yourself; the story probably won't be happy for quite some time but I hope you'll all give it a chance.**

**I think that's all I have to say for now so I'll shut up now and let you read. ~5ugr h1gh**

* * *

**Chapter One – The End**

"You…don't…want me?"

In that single moment, time stopped. The birds ceased their fluttering; the squirrels were motionless in their search for food, ears perked. Even the wind paused for breath. The world was silent, waiting for the one word that could change her life. For better or worse. She stared deep into his eyes, begging. But she saw no indecision. No guilt. Just a cold, distant wasteland.

"No."

Then it all went black.

She closed her eyes to stop the tears and felt his lips on her forehead. But when she looked again, he was gone. All that was left was a whisper on the breeze.

"_Be safe."_

She was alone. Broken tears spilled over. She ran. Maybe she was running after him, unwilling to let him go. Maybe she was running away. Away from the pain that would tear her to pieces if she let it in. She didn't know. Nor did she care. She just ran.

She forced her way past trees and bushes. The branches grasped at her as she passed, dragging sharp fingers across her face and arms. But she couldn't feel it. She just kept going. Like a shark. If she stopped moving forward, she would sink and die.

She ran until twilight. In the darkness, her human vision failed her. The tree roots finally took hold of her ankles and pulled her down. Her knees and palms stung but she couldn't get back up. The numbness engulfed her like a fog. She lay there, on the forest floor, until someone found her, picked her up, and took her away.

~oOo~

She felt her body change hands many times until, finally, she was placed on what felt like a couch. As if underwater, the words around her were muted. Her eyes were unfocused, her thoughts nonexistent. She knew many of the questions were directed at her but she couldn't hear them. Couldn't understand. Couldn't breathe. Her body may have been moved, but her spirit was still there on the forest floor, dirty and beaten, empty and black.

Her legs found their own way up the stairs to her bedroom. Her fingers automatically shut the door and turned off the light.

She slid under the covers of her bed and slept for a long time.

October.

November.

December.

January.

~oOo~

For four months, she'd been going through the motions of life. She went to school, went to work, cooked the meals, maintained perfect grades, and was all-around the perfect child.

But Charlie knew. Inside, there was nothing left. He knew he should be happy. She seemed to be getting better. He couldn't even think about that first week. When she wouldn't eat, wouldn't speak. She just lay in bed, unresponsive, staring out the window into nothingness.

At least now she was moving about. She still rarely ate or spoke. And he still heard her screams in the night. But it was better than nothing, right?

Somehow, though, he felt his daughter was long gone. That damn boy had taken her heart, set it ablaze, and then ripped it in two. When he left, he took both halves with him. She would never be the same again.

* * *

**Wow, this chapter is a lot shorter than it looked on paper. Oh well, I hoped you enjoyed it anyway. Please, let me know what you think. Did you love it? Hate it? Criticism is welcomed and appreciated. Just don't be cruel or hateful. I do have feelings. The next chapter will probably be up tomorrow. The Cullens will make an appearance and there begins the drama! Until then, be safe and enjoy the summer!**


	2. Waking Up

**Well, I'd say I got an okay response considering this fic has only been out for a day. The reviews were very positive. But, you know, I'm a greedy pig and I want more!**

**And, for those of you who read (and enjoy) ****Homeless****, I'm still working on the fifth chapter. I just wanted you to know that I'll be traveling later this week so there probably won't be an update on either of these stories for one or two weeks. Just keepin' you guys in the know *wink wink* Haha, now read!**

* * *

**Chapter Two – Waking Up**

She replayed it in her head over and over. The heartbroken question and the terrible truth. The butterfly kiss and a bittersweet goodbye. Her nightmares consisted of running. And silence.

All alone she ran. And ran and ran. Through the forest and the fog. It surrounded her, choked her. But she kept going, chasing a fleeting shadow. It was in those dreams that she realized her biggest fear – being left alone.

"_You…don't…want me?"_

"_No."_

The wind took him away.

Then one night, she finally stopped running. She sank. And drowned.

_"Okay."_

He didn't want her? Fine. She had nothing left to give him anyway. She'd given him her heart and soul and he'd ripped them to shreds. There was nothing left.

She didn't scream that night. When she woke, she knew she would never love again.

Isabella Swan was dead.

~oOo~

An empty house full of people. That's what it was. They all missed her. And every single one of them felt it was a mistake to leave. All except one. And he had wanted to be with her the most.

But he had to do what was best. Even though he knew it would hurt them both. Even though he knew he would never move on, he hoped that maybe, one day, she would. He couldn't admit it yet, but really, he was just a coward. He was afraid of screwing up. He didn't want to risk hurting her himself, to have her realize how much better she deserved. So he took the 'noble' way out. He left to protect her.

It killed him to lie and say he didn't love her. But as long as she was alive, he could survive.

And that's how he spent the months, day in and day out, alone. Until his sister dragged him back to reality.

~oOo~

They were gathered in the living room. Four of them. Edward sat as far from the others as he could. But he didn't leave. He had already upset them enough. He would no longer isolate himself. No, for now, he could only endure.

A sharp scream pierced the air and stabbed Jasper in the heart. He fell to his knees clutching his head. Emmett and Rosalie rushed to his side.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Rose asked, worried, putting an arm around his shoulders.

"Alice…is…in pain," he groaned.

And what pain it was. She appeared at the top of the staircase, her face contorted with emotion. Hurt, rage, grief.

"You!" A shaking finger aimed itself toward the corner.

"Me?" Edward stood, wide-eyed, surprised. What had he done?

"She's dead!" She was at the bottom of the steps now. "And it's your fault! You killed her!"

Angry, shocked, incredulous eyes turned to Edward. Carlisle and Esme, alerted by the scream, stood worriedly in the doorway.

"Who?" Edward whispered.

"Bella."

~oOo~

"No," he finally gasped in disbelief. "Not possible. I didn't…I couldn't have…no." He left to keep her safe, so that he _wouldn't _hurt her. His sister was spitting lies at him.

"I'm sorry," Jasper forced. "Your emotions…too much. I have to…go." And with that, he sped from the room, leaving the others in deadly silence.

"How?" Carlisle asked. He seemed to be the only one able to keep his head above water. Everyone else was drowning.

Alice fell to her knees then. If she were human, she'd be choking on her tears by now. But she wasn't. Her silent heart could beat no longer. It could only break.

She lifted her head and stared Edward directly in the eyes, holding back her sobs.

"Suicide."

~oOo~

The morning she awoke was a Sunday. Her father was gone fishing with a friend. Isabella slowly got out of bed and, for the first time in months, she felt the cold of the floor beneath her toes. She didn't bother changing out her baggy grey sweatpants and fitted black t-shirt before going downstairs. There was no dress code where she was headed.

Opening the fridge, she found 13 bottles of beer. She took them all. Stuffed 12 in an old grocery bag and opened one. Bringing it to her lips, she made a decision. She wrote her father a brief note and placed it on the kitchen table.

_Daddy,_

_I don't want to leave, but I can't stay here. I know you won't be able to understand, but please try. I won't be coming home tonight. I'm sorry. I love you. Goodbye._

_~Bella_

And she left, taking nothing with her but those bottles of beer and a pack of matches.

~oOo~

When she arrived at the large white house, her second bottle was half empty. She snatched the bag and hopped out of her truck. The bottles clinked eerily in the quiet, like a forgotten wind chime.

She sat on the porch, elbows on her knees, and gazed at the desolate lawn. This place held so many memories. So many beautiful, terrible memories. She stood, finishing off the drink, and tossed the bottle onto the grass. It wasn't like anyone was going to care.

The door was unlocked. Entering the empty space, she remembered where all the furniture used to be, where everyone used to sit. It was all gone now. Everything but the piano. A white sheet had been draped over it, giving it the appearance of a ghost.

She sauntered over and gently placed a hand on the covered instrument, feeling the warmth, the love, it had once held.

"You've been abandoned, too, huh?" she murmured. With a flourish, she pulled the sheet onto the floor. The grand still shone like it had been polished just yesterday. She sat at the bench and, with clumsy fingers, she began pressing at the ivory keys.

And then she played. From memory. Her lullaby.

~oOo~

"But how…?" Esme asked remembering the first time Bella visited their old home. "Didn't she once tell us that she couldn't play?"

"She said she _didn't_ play. She never said she couldn't." After Alice had calmed a bit, she began relaying her vision to the others. Edward sat outside, motionless, so that Jasper could participate in the conversation. The pain could still be felt through the walls of the house but it was bearable. For Jasper, at least. Edward wasn't breathing anymore. The cold, Alaskan day taunted him. The sun shone brightly, providing much light, yet no warmth. He sparkled like a crystal chandelier, as did the snow around him, and he hated it. The last time he had let himself bask in the sun had been in Forks. With _her_.

He heard Alice continue. "She knew I would see," she explained. He saw the vision in her head again.

_Bella sat at the piano and began running her fingers across the keys. It was the song he had composed for her. The lullaby. She knew Esme would remember. A small, bitter smile graced her lips as she spoke._

"_I lied."_

~oOo~

As the song ended, its last notes rang throughout the empty house. The echoes were like ghost whispers, calling to her. But the only voices she wanted hear would never call to her again.

So she opened the last eleven bottles and let their contents spill. She sloshed it about the floors and walls of most every room in the house. The last one she saved for the piano, the memory she wanted to burn the most.

The entire house smelled of alcohol. It soaked into the hardwood floors, stained the light carpets, streaked the windows. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the matchbox from her pocket, and lit a match. **(I thought about ending it here but decided I have a bigger cliff in store for you guys. I know, I'm evil.) **She watched the tiny flame, entranced, for half a second, then dropped the burning match. The living room was alight with hatred. Up the stairs and down the hall, she continued fueling the fire, the flames licking at her body. But she kept going, until she reached _his _room. The only room she hadn't doused in alcohol. It would burn just a bit slower than the rest of the house. Hurt just a bit more. But that was what she wanted. To feel again.

She drifted over to the enormous window. The damp earth was smoldering. The flames were running up the stairs, chasing after her. She sat in the middle of the bare floor. She could feel the house collapsing. Walls caved in; parts of the ceiling fell. She began choking on smoke. Her world was burning. She knew it would be slow and very painful but she wouldn't have it any other way. Surrounded by the memory of them, the ones who had pretended to love her, to be her family. It was the best lie she had ever lived and she wanted to cherish it. She wanted to feel everything, even the pain. She would rather perish in pure agony than die empty and cold, waiting desperately for what would never return. She felt she at least deserved that much.

The walls crumbled. The heat engulfed her. Hell was closing in. The window shattered, and the jaws of death closed around her throat.

Her future disappeared.

* * *

**The end. Don't worry, I only meant of the chapter. The story is nowhere near finished. But you're hooked now, right? Haha, you know you want to say yes. Tell me you love it! But, wait, I can't hear you. You're going to have to write it down. Maybe in a letter, or an email, or, say…a review? Please? I'll give you a cookie! *puppy dog eyes* You know you like cookies… All you have to do is press the button and type, type, type!**


	3. The Meaning of Goodbye

**I'm home from vacation and back in business, baby! Now I know this chapter is really, really short but I've kept you waiting long enough…plus this was all I got written before I hit the beach, haha. I promise I'll get working on my other stories as soon as possible (that's tonight or tomorrow at the latest) and hopefully I'll have ****Homeless**** updated within a week…or two. Maybe. Well, I hope you enjoy this! Happy reading!**

* * *

**Chapter Three – The Meaning of Goodbye**

It was late when Charlie returned home that night. He had been fishing with Billy and was delighted at the amount of fish he'd caught. But his pleasure was murdered by the note he found on the kitchen table.

"Bella?" he whispered to himself as he read. Slowly, the light faded from his eyes.

_Daddy_…

She hadn't called him that since she was a child.

_I can't stay here. I love you. Goodbye._

He stood trembling for several moments, the note slipping from his fingers. The room was suddenly too small. When did she write this note? How long had she been gone? Where did she go? And why? He knew how broken she was inside, but he never expected anything this rash.

He suddenly felt like a terrible father. Why couldn't he have seen this coming?

He had to find her. It was the only thing he could do. He would…would…he would organize a search party. Yes. She couldn't have gone too far in that piece-of-junk truck, could she? But, no, that wasn't true, was it? She could have driven to Port Angeles and hopped on a plane.

She could be anywhere by now.

The thought of his daughter alone, this late at night, so far from home, terrified him. But he couldn't think about that now. Grabbing his keys from their place on the table, he bolted out the door and into his cruiser. He needed to get moving. He needed to focus.

He couldn't lose her. She was the only thing he had left to live for.

The only thing he had left to love.

But Isabella was right. He didn't understand. Charlie thought she was running. He thought her goodbye meant leaving him behind. Like her mother. He didn't realize that her goodbye meant leaving everyone, _everything_, behind.

Her goodbye meant leaving the world of the living.

He wouldn't realize this for a long time. In the weeks he would spend searching the town, the airport, the empty highways, he would be getting further and further from the truth. No one would think to search the abandoned house of the boy who broke her heart. In fact, no one even knew that the house was gone.

The night that house burned to the ground, it rained. The clouds wept in darkness. The smoke and steam, lost ghosts of the soaking fire, stained the night sky like charcoal. Few people saw the last breaths of that dying house. If they could truly be called people.

Some were heartless monsters, fueled by rage, hatred, and revenge; others were monsters still but with bigger hearts than could ever be seen at first glance.

And the last, the most important, was a dead girl, eyes still wide awake.

* * *

**Well? Did you like it? Did you? Write it down, write it down! I need to know! Seriously, your encouragement keeps me typin' :D Just please tell me what you think, even if you hate it – I hope you don't but if you do…actually if you hate it I'm not sure I want to know. I don't think I could take it *sob* Haha, just kidding. I know, I'm not funny, I'll stop. **_**If**_** you review. I'll beg even - please please please please **_**please **__**please PLEA**_**-you get the picture…**


	4. Not Dead Yet

**Um…Hi. Hello. It's been quite a while, hasn't it? First, let me say that I sincerely apologize for the wait. It's just I've recently been experiencing some personal issues. I'm not exactly comfortable sharing those problems at this time but I will say that they have affected my emotional well-being and that, in turn, affected my story-telling. While I can't really say that I'm all better, I can say that things are rather calm right now and I've come across a bit of inspiration.**

**Second, let me thank you all from the bottom of my heart, those of you who have stuck with me for such a long time. I really do appreciate the support. During my absence I continued to receive story alerts, favorites, and such from new readers as well. Thank you. Just knowing that some out there likes my work really lifts my spirits.**

**So, I guess I've kept you all waiting long enough. Here we go.**

The lights go out all around me

One last candle to keep out the night

And then the darkness surrounds me

I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over

My dreams ran like sand through the fist that I made

I try to keep warm but I just grow colder

I feel like I'm slipping away

…

My whole world is the pain inside me

The best I can do is just get through the day

When life before is only a memory

I wonder why God lets me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened

I know that I will when I look back someday

And see how you've brought beauty from ashes

And made me as gold purified through these flames

~_Beauty from Pain_, Superchick

* * *

Chapter Four – Not Dead Yet

No. _Thump thump._

Not dead. _Thump thump._

Not breathing. _Thump thump._

But not dead._ Thump thump._

Not dead yet._ Thump…thump…_

She lay on the forest floor, smoke clouding her lungs. Poisoning her. Her heartbeat was weak, unsteady. She was numb and unfocused. She couldn't even formulate coherent thoughts. Her body was dying. But she was not dead. _Thump thump. _Not yet.

Three wolves. Two vampires. The only creatures in the forest that day. The only ones to smell the alcohol. And the smoke. The only ones to see fire. And the girl. Through the third floor window.

…_.But that's Bella…_

The whisper of recognition breezed through his mind. The shy girl he had known so long ago, as a child. The beautiful girl that had cornered him at the beach only just last summer asking about the cold ones. That same girl.

Poor Jacob never believed in the tribal legends until he became a part of one. Until he became a beast. It was only then, the day after his first shift, that he realized what she had been asking. What he told her. And what the others told him.

Bella was in love with a vampire.

And now here she was, burning in leech territory.

He knew the bloodsuckers were gone, knew it was their white house going up in flames. And he knew he was on a mission, but he couldn't help but pause. He and two others were chasing down two rogues. Sam had sent only three assuming it would be an easy task.

It wasn't. None o the wolves knew this red-haired demon and her companion were no wandering souls caught on the wrong side of town. These two were had a mission of their own. Vengeance and her accomplice were in Washington for the life of Bella Swan. They were a bit late, however.

The sight of such empty eyes staring out at nothing from the third floor of a burning building wrenched at Jacob's heartstrings. By unconscious decision, his mission changed. Let Quil and Embry catch the leeches. He had to save Bella.

He burst from out the thick woods into the backyard of the old bloodsucker abode just as she disappeared from the window. He moved even faster, his paws barely touching the ground. Three. Two. One. Liftoff.

He jumped, his animalistic strength and size allowing him to break through that window with one go. She lay in the middle of the barren floor, sooty and silent. The room, just as empty as her eyes, now clouded with asphyxia, was filled with smoke, as were her lungs. The cracking floorboards began to buckle under the weight of the wolf and the flames. He stepped quickly, carefully, over to the poor, broken girl, closed his teeth around a bit of her shirt, just at the nape of her neck, and as gently as possible, exited from whence he had come.

Not a moment after his paws touched the ground did the house finally collapse. Smoke and dust wheezed out from the wreckage of the fractured roof, the splintered walls, the shards of glass, and the discordant pieces of a shattered piano. What had once been beautiful and pure was now no more than firewood.

The sky began to darken with more than just the pollution of a ruined memory and the smell of rain permeated the air. Bella was no longer breathing when Jacob laid her gingerly upon the forest floor. She did not move. He could just barely hear her fading heartbeat. The sun was setting and his wolf mission was long forgotten. He settled himself beside this girl he had not known was so dear to him and he learned that evening that even wolves, even the sky, may cry.

Not a minute passed, the wolf still the tasting twilit tears, his shock not yet gone, before the red-haired devil ambushed, her pursuers distracted by a spurious trail and her clever comrade.

~oOo~

"A-are you serious?" Esme stammered, wide-eyed and trembling. "Sh-she really b-burnt down the house?"

Alice was whimpering, trying not to wail; Carlisle, ever-composed, stood with a clenched jaw; Emmett was pacing, growling, fists firmly at his side; Rose was unusually quiet, arms crossed, chin down, her face turned away; Esme was shaking on the couch, her face in her hands now, crying for more than just her old house; and poor Jasper was bearing the brunt of it all. Not only had he to deal with his own emotions but also those of the others, as repressed as they were. He could barely breathe.

But Edward was the worst. He was still on the porch, the crystalline landscape still mocking him. He hated his power more than ever in that moment. It was bad enough to hear about it but to actually see it in Alice's mind was more painful than anything he could have ever imagined.

His Bella was a beautiful pianist and he'd never known. She lied to him. And he lied to her. He would have like to call them even but he knew he couldn't. Because his lie killed her.

He had only survived the past months by the comfort of knowing his love was alive and well. He was horribly wrong about the 'well' part but the illusion had sustained him. But seeing her like that, setting fire to what had once been wonderful, stole his light. Made him hate what he was more than he ever had before. He didn't deserve existence, eternal or otherwise.

"No! Edward, don't!" Alice's tiny frame appeared before he could even stand. "Please! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Don't go! Don't…we can't…we can't lose you, too…please…" Weeping, she fell to her knees, wrapping her arms around him.

"Alice…" He wanted to tell her he was sorry. That he didn't mean it. That he wouldn't have followed through with that decision. But it would have been another lie.

"If she's gone…" he paused, holding back a groan at the thought. He had been trying so hard to keep the desperate thoughts at bay. But _if she was gone _then he had no more reason to be. No reason to even pretend not to be a monster. He wished so severely for death. To be viciously torn apart and incinerated. He knew none of his family would assist him in that endeavor, however. He knew, and so resolved to travel all the way to Italy if that was what it would take. But Alice was apparently opposed to the idea.

"Shut up! Just stop it!" she screamed. "You think you're the only one hurting?! We loved her, too! I loved her! She was… she was my sister! We loved her just like you!"

He flinched. He knew that. Of course he knew that. And his guilt increased. They never wanted to leave her. His family had condemned that course of action. But he was so convinced that this way was best. He was so arrogant and stupid.

"And we love you, Edward." Alice continued. "How much do you want us to suffer?"

"You'd all be better off…" he replied, mumbling.

"No…" Alice whispered, lifting her eyes to his. What she saw terrified her. A broken heart, a cold shattered soul. A dark emptiness that no light could pervade. She could see every past demon revived, taking hold of him. Her brother was dead serious. She knew then, if he was ever out of sight for even a second, they would lose him.

She had never felt so lost before. Not since she awoke from the darkness of her human life. But now…

The rest listened quietly inside. They had all retreated within themselves. Hiding, trying to keep from adding to the despair, they bit their tongues, their souls languishing. And poor Jasper felt it all. There was so much pain, so much sorrow, it was a wonder his thoughts didn't travel down the same road Edward's did.

The family fell apart that day. Eternity never seemed so bleak.

* * *

**So…was it worth the wait? Please review. It would truly make my day.**

**And if you were wondering, I'm working on the next chapter right now so you won't have to wait nearly as long for it as you did for this one. Thanks again for all the support!**


End file.
